You are my angel

It rained yesterday, heavy rains.  You still sitting there for your request and your dream.   Why you do it?  Are you do it for yourself?  No, you do it for us.  You do it because you think it is for our good.  I did not join you, I am sorry.  

In the very beginning, I did not agree you to go out.  However, I know no one can keep you stay home now.  I keep my heart with you.  I pray for your safety and wait for your good news.  

I love you and thank you for doing everything for us.

So sad

You are out there sitting since yesterday.  I went to work for a whole day.  I care about your safety.  I know that you are following your heart to do what you think is right.  I cannot say I fully support you but I respect you and your will.

We never know what will happen tomorrow.  Let's wait and see and keep hope for a better tomorrow, ok?

Please remember, I LOVE YOU!  I would not forget this day, September 28.

Flying again

Hey,

I am planning my next trip again, a trip without you.  It may be a trip with snow, but I am not sure because every time I visit a place with snow, snow does not snow.

I thought of flying to Estonia during the Christmas time, however I not yet ready for that country.  I will go to Tromso of Norway.  Will that surprise you, again?  I want to chase after snow and the light.  I want to see the magic sky at that very northern place.  

Did I tell you about my dream of seeing the Aurora with you?  This year is the eleven years of this cycle of the Aurora.  It will be less easy to meet the Aurora starts from next year.  I do not want to lose the chance.  I will capture the beauty with my eyes and camera for you and I.  That will be a nice moment in my life.  I hope that you could feel it and see it too.

Snow

I love snow because I never experience it.   How does it fall; how does it melt; how does it smell; how does it taste; how soft is it and how dirty is it when melt?  I knew nothing about it.  Snow seems like a mystery to me.  

You knew that I want to see snow, thus you tried hard to chase snow with me in the winter.  We tried several times, but we never success on the chasing.  One day I experienced it unexpectedly at the backyard of your garden.  That was my birthday; I felt it.  Snow fell on my head suddenly.  I was so happy because it was the first time I felt it.  It was a tiny and thin snow shower, but I was satisfied with the feeling.  You said that I would never know the feeling till I see the snowing.

Since then, I have no chance to feel snow on my hands anymore.  I want to see it, I want to feel it again.   I will chase after it again this winter, but without you.  I have learnt a lot this year and I am growing up.  Do not worry, I will be ok by myself.

Track

Tram here only have one track and it is slow.  Wherever you get on the tram, it would bring you to the terminal if you have the patient.  Tram has only one track and arrive only one destination.  You would not lost and you would not miss.  It just like a love track.  When you willing to stay on track with patient, you would arrive the terminal finally.

You loved to ride on the tram and let it take you to travel along the track.  You wanted to experience the slow in this busy city with the crowd.  We traveled on the tram few times.  

On one morning, you wanted to travel with me to the office after we had an unpleasant moment.  The tram was very busy and I tried hard to squeeze in it.  After I was in the tram, I found that you were still at the station.  I called you and wanted to meet you at the station near my office.  You said that you did not want to since it had no point for you to join me if we could have only few minutes on that morning.  Did you know how disappointed I was when you said that?  We did not have much our time when you visited me; and no matter how short the meeting would be, I loved to see you and feel you.  Even it would be a five minutes meet, I wanted to be with you.

After two hours, you called me and asked me to come down to our usual cafe.  I went to PC immediately after the call.  You were there waiting for me with a bag.  You handed the bag to me and said that it was for me because you knew that I did not have any breakfast. You worried I would feel hungry and the bag was full of cookies, chocolates and biscuits for me.  Thank you caring about me so much.  I wanted to tell you I loved you.

Unconditional

You always said that I gave you unconditional love which you knew that there would have no one can give you the same.  I do not know what is unconditional love.  The only thing I knew was that when you were with me, you were happy and were yourself.  

I understood that no two people have the same characteristics and with same like and hate.  In relationship, we have to be considerate and put our feet in others' shoes.   I tried to think in your way and your happiness was mine too.  I was happy when I saw you have satisfying smile on your face.  I was happy when you enjoyed the meals I cooked for you.  I was happy when you felt relaxing and watching TV.  I was happy when you sit back in the sofa and enjoyed your day with me.

I know what you want me to do now, I will try my best as you wish.  Do not worry, I will live my life in full……..

Apartment

You wanted to move.  You wanted to find an apartment with a balcony.  You arranged a meeting with the property agency for me to visit the apartment which you like most.  It was located at the corner of the road which you passed by every day when on your way to the office.

It was a big apartment with a big balcony as you liked.  I like the place too because there was no building in front of it.  I imagined that a tea table with two chairs were set at the right corner where we could sit there for an afternoon tea.  Moreover, a comfortable sofa would be put at the other corner.  The balcony was good for us to enjoy the sunset magic moment and watching kids running around in the park while we were having a cup of tea.  I was sure that you would love to sit there too.   At full moon night in the winter, we could squeeze in the sofa with a blanket cover both of us.  We could talk almost whole night long as what we did all the time.   It seemed that I thought too much…… time would not come back.

Cards

Many shops there issue membership card for their customers.  The first one I got was the frequent flyer card from the airline in Holland.  You helped me on the registration with your home address.  Everything for me was sent to your home.  

The second one was the IKEA family card.  On the boxing day, you drove to the IKEA because it was the only shop that would open on that day.  It was a jumbo shop.  We had our breakfast there and received free drinks with your membership card.  You suggested me appling for a membership card.  You helped me to register and have your home address as my address again.  It is a family card attached to you.  It seemed that I was attached to you; being your wife because I was marked as housewife.  

One day after I returned home, a package arrived.  That was not a big package with two little cards, some receipts and a road map.  The two cards were the card from Albert Heijn.  Again, the two cards were attached to you because I need to register with your home address.  You said that I sure should register with your address because this is my home in Holland.

The four cards are still with me but I have no chance to use them anymore……..

Dessert

You loved sweet food a lot.  To you, a meal need to have dessert otherwise it would not be a full and complete meal.  The dessert can be an ice-cream, vla, Chinese sweet soup, or a piece of chocolate; and of course cupcake can do this part as well.

On that hot summer day, we were traveling in middle of Poland.  We had our ice-cream serval times a day.  It was so yummy.   We walked along the square at the city centre trying to find the famous cupcake shop which we had googled before.  We had our tea break in that shop where we sat on the red sofa near the shop entrance.  We watched people passed by or came in the shop.  We fed each other with the cupcakes we ordered and did silly photo of us.  I was never a cupcake person but since I had it at that shop with you, I was in love with it.  I missed that taste which I cannot find it anywhere now.

Have loved and lost

After the typhoon had gone, we went for afternoon tea buffet at the hotel.  We walked from the apartment to the hotel.  It was a 30-minutes walk in a hot summer day.  We walked slowly and visited some shops for the battery of your camera.  You wanted a spare one.  

When we almost arrived the hotel, the yellow scandals that I wore was broken.   It was the first time I wore it.  What a pity.  I could only dragged slowly with that broken scandal.  We found the shop for a new pairs for me.  You helped me to find the most beautiful pairs of shoes.  You asked me to sit on the chair and you brought me every pair of shoes from the shelf which you thought were good on me.  You helped me to fit on those shoes.  I felt your care and love for me.  I always remember that feeling even it would not happen again.  I do not feel regret because someone told me that "better to have loved and lost than never had love at all".  

Tear

Tears still there, I still have tears when in bed.  How come?  Feeling doesn't go away?  or just missing the old time?  When listening to some romantic songs, memories come to my mind and tear comes up.  

Someone said my feeling is still there.  I would not deny that love not yet totally fade away.  Everyone said time heels, of course it heels a lot of emotions and feelings and just no one can predict how long is the healing process.  One day, the memories would only bring up happiness.  Everything would be fine again.  I miss you, yes.  I still miss you.

I saw your sadness

Mama,

The night before we had a chat with the webcam.  We did not talk for a while.  I understood that you want to calm down your emotion and by yourself after that sad day.  Finally, you willing to talk to me again.  I miss you a lot, mama in Holland.  I saw your sadness through the webcam.  You cannot hold your tears.  That made my heart broken.  I want to hug you, hold you with my arms.  However, it is not possible now because it would be strange for me to come over again.  

Mama, please understand that no matter what happen, even we do not contact or speak so often as before, I still love you and you are always my mama in Holland.  I will keep on learning my Dutch for you, mama.

Love from your daughter in HK

Rainy day

That was a rainy day.  Rain was not heavy but it seemed that it never stopped.  Despite the bad weather, we went out to visit the city.  We walked side by side under the rain and did the window shopping.  

The rainy day made that winter more cold.  We blurry our bodies in big coats and walked around in the market.  You guided me everywhere because it was not the first time you were there.  I knew that I can rely on you and follow your steps.  We walked for a whole day and I was tired.  I did not say anything because I wanted to be next to you.  We were the only people walking on the pretty bridge.  Rain continue dropped from the top and shined under the street light from the top.  We walked hand in hand under the rain.  Our shadow was on the ground and became one.  Could we keep walking in that way forever?

Our life

You told me that we met each other from our past life.  That made us more easy to talk and feel comfortable to share things when we were together.  It was so easy to understand the needs of ourselves and what was good for us.  You knew my habits, my taste of food and taste of living.  You tried to match with mine.  I knew you worked hard on matching with me.  I wanted to match with your style of living too and it was so easy to know what you like and dislike.  You said I knew you so well that you did not need to say anything and I could prepare food or things you want and to your taste.

It was not difficult to live in your way because you wanted a simple life which was my wish too.  Living in the little wooden house, cooking for you, cleaning the house, planting in the garden, doing the housework, visiting your parents, those were what I planned and dreamed to do when one day we lived together.  I wanted to be your little housewife at home; I wanted to cuddle with you in the sofa when you no need to work.  That was a dream only, I know; dream would not come true…….

Romantic love

Since early this year, I read some columns about love.  I noticed that when you fall in love, you can only see the best and good of your lover.   However, when the love is "fading away", you would start notice the weakness and bad of your partner.   As to maintain the relationship for a longer time, you have to understand that romantic love would not stay forever.  It is better to start developing a family like relationship with a base from the romantic love.

Romantic love can only last for two to three years and it would change into a relationship like family feeling.  A family like relationship can last longer than romantic love.  If you do not notice the change, it would upset your feeling and mislead you that the "love" is dead.  Then the relationship could hardly continue.

A friend asked me why I loved you so much.  I cannot give her any reason.  However, this is the feeling I had for you.  Love is so interesting.  It is a feeling that you cannot explain and might have no reason.  Maybe it was your sweet, your care, your romantic attitude, your talent, made me fell for you.  I wished our relationship would have became the long lasting one and I was ready and prepared for that change.  Were you ready?  Or you thought that love was no more existed between us?

Where to go

This year, time goes quick.  Nine months gone.  I am planning my December trip as usual.  However, I do not have much mood for that traveling.  I want to be away for a while and where should I go?  where should I visit?  It seems that I do not have any idea.  In the past two years, I was always there to celebrate Christmas with you and your family.  It seemed like a routine to me, flying there, preparing things to celebrate with you, having our own time, watching the New Years Eve fire works all over the world.  

I do not know what I will do this year…… It would be a hard year for me……because I still remember last Christmas…….

September

September again, same group of people, similar food, same purpose of gathering and at the same place.  However, you were not here and without typhoon.  

Last September, I planned a get away trip with you to Macau after the family gathering, to that quiet hotel which is away from those casinos.  Usually, we stayed in a hotel close to the casino but that time was a new place.   I searched a lot of information from the internet and found that this hotel ranked number 1 by TripAdvisor.  I wanted to give you the best thing; so we booked with that hotel.

Our room was a nice and big one with Chinese traditional decoration.   Despite the far away location from tourist center, the hotel is an excellent place to stay, quiet and well refurnished with good trained staff.   

I liked to stay in the Portuguese style restaurant by the window seat with you after a nice sleep.  The sun shined on our faces and I saw the satisfied smile hang on your face again.  In the late afternoon, we lay in the red covered bed for a long talk and cuddle.   Before we checked out, the hotel staff took a photo of us as a souvenir from the hotel.   Do you still have that photo of us?  Do you still remember the time with me?  And our long talk when you were here?  To be honest, I did not want to come back.  I missed you.  I wanted to see your mischievous smile again and I hoped I could stay in your arms forever.   

Special one

Someone say that everyone have a space for a special someone; everyone is waiting for that special one.   When you meet that special one, you would willing to do everything for the one, to please the one.

I know that you made many changes for me.  You tried to train yourself and keep your body in good health.  You said that it was because you wanted to be a better man for me.  You did a lot to change your way of sleeping position because of me.  You knew that I afraid being in dark, thus you told me to wake you up whenever I need to use the washroom when in the middle of sleep.  You were not an adventure person but you willing to try new things with me.  You knew that I wanted to see snow, you searched places that had snow in winter and planned for a trip to go there with me.  You afraid that I would have missed Chinese food, you suggested to go for dim sum on every weekend.  I loved to eat the chocolate coffee beans, you bought many boxes for me.  You noticed that I cared my father a lot, you bought the crackers he loved to eat.  You did a lot.  I would not forget how much you did for me.

Photos

At your home, there were photos of you and your friends.  Of course, our photo was put on your board too.  However, it made no difference from your other photos with your friends.  umm……I wished our photo was difference.  Thus, I started collecting photos of us and your parents.  Finally, I decided making a photo album for you as Christmas gifts.  It was a album full of our smiles, adventure, kisses and love.  I wished that I can made one every year.  Until now, I made two albums for you.  I hope that they are now all at your home safely.

When we visited your parents, I saw that there were some family photos at their home.  The photos told me that you had lovely parents and your ex-girlfriend was a cute one.  You noticed that I was looking at the photo of you and your ex-girlfriend.  You whispered to me that you two were over and I no need to be jealous.  It was your mother who kept the photo as this was the only photo of you in formal dressing.  I did not mind the photo was put there but I was so curious about her.  I wanted to know what kind of girl she was.  Anyway, my biggest wish was that one day a photo of us could be put on that space at your parents' home.  Did I dream too much?

Piggy

I found the pair of piggies at the craft shop near my office.  When I went into the shop, the two piggies caught my eyes.  They were made of bronze with very cute smile.  They looked like couples; one was taller and the other one was more cute.  I imagined we were them.  The small one have its cheek moved close to the taller.  Both of them were smiling with their eyes closed.   I liked them a lot and thought that you would like it too.

I brought them to you.  They were put on your shelf on top of the television.   I had them stayed together with their cheeks close to each other at that corner.  I could feel the love between the two piggies.  When I looked at them, I saw us.  We were so close to each other; no matter how far we stayed apart, our hearts were together.  

Last June, I was so mad of you that I turned the small piggy's head away and kept her far away at the other corner of the shelf.  You knew that I was angry with you, you put them back together at the old corner.   You said, "are you still angry with me?"  I could say nothing but cry.  Was that only my imagination or it was real that you still care about me?

Gangnam Style

Gangnam Style was one of the popular songs in the year of 2012.  I heard it from the radio and watched the music video from youtube.  It was an amazing Korean song with very special dancing steps and it was the number one top hit song in many countries and area.  

I shared it with you.  You like the song immediately and tried to introduce to the Dutch community.  Indeed, it was already the number one hit song in Holland.  You kept the song in your music library and let it run randomly from the music player.  When the song was played, you dance in that special dancing steps.  When I was down, you sang the song to me and dance for me just to let me happy and laugh again.  You once challenged me that I did not know how to do the Gangnam Style steps.  Then we dance together and it was so much fun to do it with you.  We were not very good at that steps and made some mistakes but I was sure that we had fun.  We dance and dance; then we burst into laughter when we could not follow the steps anymore.  

Do you still dance in that special steps?  Do you still like to listen to that song?

Piggy

We prepared gifts for each other every time before we return home or when we were going to meet again.  Sometimes, I went to your favorite shop to buy those "Double Happiness" items or the China for you.  I knew that you have a lot of different interests from the antique, Asian related things to the very modern designed products, and electronic items.  It was so easy to find you gift. 

It was always difficult for you to find me things.  You complained many times that it seemed I need nothing.    Thus, you only bought me chocolates, food and sweets.  The longer we were together, the more you found out that I loved cute and romantic stuff and all of the Christmas related things.   

Did you know what I really want and need?  That was your care and your love.  As long as you cared about me and loved me, that was enough.   If I could stay with you for more time, that would be a double bonus to me.  Had I lost my bonus yet?

Moon

Tonight, I looked through the window of the bus and saw the moon.  It was not a full moon night.  I thought of you.   

There was a night we sat on the bench of the harbor front.  We were there for almost a whole night watching people jogging and walking by.   It was a clear night.  Was it a full moon night?  I did not remember.  However, I remembered that we sat close to each other and you had your arm around my shoulder while I put my head on yours.  No matter how tall you are, I can put my head on your shoulder when we are sitting.  We tried to sit as close as we could to feel each other.  The night was full of kisses and cuddle.   You stared at me always and I looked into your eyes all the time.  I saw a man mixed with funny mischievous mind and mature attitudes who was fond of me.  What did you see from me? 

Dance

We did not know how to dance and we did not dance in the public.  However, we sometimes dance at home.  There no need any real music and there no need any romantic decoration.  We did the dancing according to our mood.  You made me dance in circles and looked like I was dancing ballet.  Did you ever meet a ballet dancer was so fat?  

I put my bare feet on top of yours.  I put my hands on your love handle.  I hug you from the front.  I raised my head and looked into your eyes.  You bent forward and looked at me.  I saw your gentle smile and your mischievous in your eyes.   We stared each other and finally burst into laugh.  I could not stop laughing and buried my face into your tummy.   You tummy was so soft and nice to touch.  I missed it and I missed you more.